Moments with mom....

I knew I should have written this on Friday when it was all still fresh in my mind.  I don't think I can do the day justice now.  But I will try any way (its now Sunday).  Emery and I had a great day on Friday.  She is so much fun right now (although difficult at times as well... and very tiring... hehe)  Now I don't remember all the details of that day.  But this one thing I do.... we drove over to my step-dad's house for a visit.  However when we got there, he didn't answer the door nor did he answer his phone.  I called his wife thinking he might be with her at her son's rehearsal dinner.  She called me back to tell me he would probably be home soon but was supposed to meet her shortly.  Well instead of leaving, I decided to stay awhile.  I had wanted to take Emery to the park, but after 3 errands, we were running out of time before she needed to nap.  So as I looked around the front yard of my childhood home, I thought how it felt like a park and felt so comfortable.  So I got Emery out of the car and we hung out on the grass for a little while.  With me laying on my tummy and her walking around me and giggling, we had a wonderful time.  I told her "this is where your mommy grew up.  That her grandma would hang out here all the time during the beautiful spring days.  "In fact, if she were here", I told her, "she would be sitting here with us, probably pulling weeds with her cats tip toeing around the yard with us.  And we would be drinking our lattes and mochas.  I don't believe in peoples spirits hanging around us.  So what I'm going to say is not that!  But I felt her.  Maybe watching us from heaven, I don't know.  But I felt so much peace and warmth there in my yard.  A peace that I have not felt in a long time.  I could have stayed there all day with Emery.  I could almost see my mom sitting in her lawn chair, with her legs crossed, drinking iced tea and chatting away about the latest book she read or lifetime movie she watched (in grave detail, I might add...lol).   It felt so good.  I am grateful for these moments.  That my mom can become so real to me again.  Its a horrible thought, but after 5 years, I don't remember a lot about her.  You know, the day to day stuff.  It feels like 50 years.  These are the details of her life that I don't remember as I go about my hay.  I know the Lord gives us these moments so that her memory stays alive for us and for our children who never had the privilege of knowing her.   And my step-dad did end up being home after all!  He was in the shower.  Thank you Lord for not allowing me to leave, but to bless me with that time I had, sitting in my front yard, with my daughter.

My childhood home... spent many hours out here with my mom!!!

      The tree I always climbed in growing up!!        mommy and daughter... sweet moments

new shoes on mommy's grass!

hmmmm... should I take the new car for a test drive???

Runny noses, long nights and anniversaries

Well.... Emery is sick again, or still.  It's been 4 weeks.  The first week was the worst with her having her first real yucky cough.  We would steam shower her 3x a day, give her honey elixir and honey/lemon water.  We got through it.  But then her cough turned to a dry one and lasted 2 weeks.  It seemed to be just getting better and then this weekend it was all back again.  ugh!  I've never experienced so much sick.  Sean and I get sick, maybe, once a year.  But it seems between Emery and all her friends, someone is always sick.  Someone is always having to miss our playdates due to little sickies.  :(  This weekend we were supposed to go to stay with some friends while the storm came and dumped 3 feet of snow.  Sean was nervous about taking her up there.  It was a good thing, because if she needed anything more than we could give her, we would have been stuck.  Our friends were still snowed in today, 2 days later, and couldn't get to school/work.  I guess this time, daddy knew best.  But I was so bummed.  This is the hardest part for me... giving up something for myself.  That sounds so selfish, and it is, but I'm just being honest.  After 38 years of, practically, doing what I want, the reality is its a hard adjustment.  A good one, yes, but hard.  I'm sure 'no one else' has ever felt that way before, right???  haha   But I still feel bad for seeming so selfish.  But I'm glad we didn't take her.  We will do it again, snow or not.  Last night was not so fun.  She was up 3 times with the third time mommy taking her to the steam shower.  I was a bit tired today.  Two lattes by lunch! (2nd one compliments of a friend, how could I resist?)  Today she threw up her lunch for daddy and then again tonight for me.  But I don't think its a stomach thing.  It seems she coughs and then gets all that phlegm in the back of her throat and then gags on it bringing everything back up.  And then, she doesn't want to eat.  So off to bed she went after a bottle of whole milk.  I just hope God holds her through nutritionally on these days.  Daddy was very tired when mommy got home.  And rightly so.
    Ok, I'm just rambling... venting really, about miss sickie pie.  But on a positive note...  she is walking walking walking!!!!  She loves to mimmick everything we do.  She knows her ears, her yes and no, and has starting telling us she's hungry through sign (points to her mouth) even without me prompting her.  She's been signing 'all done' for awhile, but has now signed 'more' a couple of times.  Still working on that one, along with 'thank you'. She laughs at everything and loves to run (or crawl, its faster) from us while she screams and laughs.  And she's gotten more cuddly.  Its awesome... our favorite part of the day!  Sean admitted to me it kills him every time. :)  Lately I've been playing the piano for her and when I get to the end of the song, she claps and smiles real big!  Oh how that melts my heart!  What an amazing little girl!
    And then..... there are her tantrums.... like when we don't let her do something or touch something.  Or when she can't open the cupboard (because we're unknowingly holding it shut) or when she pushes her train and it stops on a wall or other object and she can't get it to go again.  So we are in teaching and discipline mode.  And especially now that she's walking, she wants to walk all the time.  So I'm trying to be in teaching mode in public as well, getting her to sit on my lap until I say she can get down.  I want her to know that her whining will not get her anywhere.  I'm working on using more words to communicate to her vs just saying 'no' which I believe will encourage her to communicate with me back and will increase her vocabulary.  Or at least that what the experts say.  We're both learning, actually.  For the rest of my life, I'll be learning.  lol  But for now, she is sleeping beauty and mommy needs to soak in a bubble bath until daddy gets home.
...... oh yah, it's our 18th Anniversary.... daddy's working.... it's come and gone.... and so goes our life with a baby.  :)...................  and we're loving it!

Good night.

Walking for daddy!  (I love this one as she delights in herself!)

 Playdate with the boys... Evan was sleeping, so Ryan got some one-on-one 'cheeky' time!

Mommy's health day!

Today was a wonderful day for mommy!  It started out with Emery and I going to my bible study at church.  God is continuing this work that He began doing in me 2 months ago.  This morning it was in my face.  At the end there was a powerful time of prayer.  How good God is! and faithful and oh so thorough!  Afterward, I dropped Emery off with Sean to eat and nap and I headed to meet two new friends for lunch.  Back in December, our pastor's wife, Joni, introduced me to a friend of hers after hearing our story at Emery's dedication.  She asked if I'd be willing to connect with her and we have since been talking but have yet to be able to get a time that we can hang out and share with each other of our journey through infertility.  So last week she invited me to lunch with her and Joni as it is their weekly girl's date.  I was honored and more than excited to join them.  We had a wonderful time sharing our stories and life together and encouraging each other.  They both are such wonderful women and I'm excited to get to know them more.  It was a wonderful time today with these women of faith!  We are so blessed to serve a God that personally loves us so much!  Well after that I rushed home so Sean could go to work.  Emery continued to sleep for almost 2 more hours!!!!  So, still, mommy had some great relaxing 'me' time.  She woke up, ate and we headed to the store.  Once home I prepared my pasta dish for a potluck tonight with friends and we headed over!

Now.... here's where Emery comes in.... she has become SUCH the walker!!!  I think she walked around my friend's entire house tonight!  She was on her feet probably 90% of the time!  And she LOVED playing with the older girls.... seeking them out, laughing at them, crawling (running!) from them and just plain interacting.  It was cutest, and most awesome thing for this mom to see!  Every day continues to make it more and more real to me.  That this little helpless baby truly is growing up into a little girl who I will throw birthday parties for, will skin her knee and come crying to me, will take to disneyland, send off to school, dress for prom and someday even get married!!!  ... more and more real every day.  When she was a baby, I tended to think she would always be a baby.  But now, with every change, she is just so real.  It's absolutely wonderful!!!  She even learned to go up and down steps (they have two small ones in their living room).  Which.... I'm not so sure I like that idea.  However it still was cool seeing her learn that and become somewhat independent.  Once, she even kind of roll off one, losing her balance, but got right back up and walked away.  I was so proud of her!!!  :)

The entire day was great.  And I got to spend time with my friends tonight as well.  And now I am sad that I will work tomorrow and that I didn't get much play time with her by myself today.  But I always have to remember that these days are important for mommy AND baby.  It's not that I need a break the way a stay-at-home mom does, but I still need adult time and girl time as well.  So I'm grateful!  One day with daddy and then I'll get her to myself again for three days!!!!  Yippeeeeeee!!!!

Updates and walkers!

Just woke up to Emery crying.... It's only 6:30.  Gave her pacifer and she's back to sleep.  But not me.  So I thought I would update.  God is so good.  As much as I wanted to experience Tennessee, when the reality hit, I think it scared me to death.  So when Sean did not get the position last week, I was somewhat relieved.  I am not afraid of moving, but we have not been to Tenn so we know nothing about it except what people tell us (which is all great!).  And we know not a soul there.  Only a couple hours after Sean found out and told me the news, I found myself broken down with my car at Riverpark.  I thought.... what would I do if I was in Tenn??  Ok... I know, the easy answer is call AAA.  But here, I have a million people I could call.  I am still open to moving and wait with anticipation for where God will land us (even here in good ol' Fresno).  He is faithful to equip and provide no matter where He takes us.  But with all that said, there was some disappointment for sure.  What an adventure that would be.  I have always been intrigued by TN, so I suppose we will have to plan a vacation there sometime to meet that curiousness.  Sean is applying to the Fresno store today.  So please be praying that God's will will prevail!

On to Emers..... what an amazing little girl she is!  She is walking now!.... at least 80% of the time, she is on her feet and walking!  Its awesome!  She is a cautious walker for sure.  Not one of those babies that takes off once they figure it out.  But very cautious.  Methodical.  She's adorable!  :)  The last few days have been pretty challenging however.  Friday, she ate like a champ, eating everything I put in front of her.  But then saturday and sunday, she hardly ate anything all day.  I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I can't help it.  I know if she's hungry she will eat, but I still feel like its something I'm doing wrong.  Ugh.  It can be so frustrating.  I do wonder if she's teething again.  Sean said she ate better yesterday.  So I think I will try the teething tablets before meals today.

It's amazing to me how this precious, beautiful, innocent, longed-for-for-ten-years baby can exhibit such sinful qualities!!  It proves to me that we really are sinful beings and are in need of a Saviour!  Emery has been having little fits, or tantrums, lately.  Usually because she can't have something she wants.  But sometimes it is for no reason.  She will grab on to my hands or arms and squeeze as tight as she can and then dig her nails in and scratch.... her whole body shakes and this squeal escapes her perfect little lips..... could this be MY child????  lol  Where does she get that??!!!  Not from TV, or other kids (yet), or from us......  well......  Sean thinks she gets it from me.  Ok, fine, so I've thrown a few tantrums with my hair in my lifetime (legendary in the McCarley household if my mom was here to tell you).  And maybe a few since I've been married (Sean learned to just walk away).  But not in many, many years now.  Could it really be that innate??  Yikes!!!!  I caught a glimpse at raising a girl!  So.... discipline and correction has begun.  I would hate for her to do that to another child.  Here we go..... from babyhood to toddlerhood.  Hold on and enjoy the ride, right?!  Well I will enjoy, no doubt.  Its gonna be crazy!  lol

One year pictures!!! .... finally!

I just wanted to share a few of Emery's first one pictures I took (really just a few out of a few hundred!!!).  It was an already tiring day.... mentally and emotionally (well... ok, and physically).  She was fussin' and I would have rather have called it a day.  But I knew today was my chance, with the weather changing from the haze the day before, to being so beautiful and warm with blue skies.  And if I let it pass, I might lose the opportunity altogether.  So I filled up my car with all the props I wanted to use and loaded her up.  I actually ended up having such a fun time with her.  Especially the drive up into the foothills which turned out to be just what I needed.  It was so relaxing.  I think I need to relax from my anxieties and take her for more drives.  It was wonderful! 

 

 I would have loved to be one of the cars driving up highway 168, seeing this girl flat on her tummy with her bum up in the air, shooting pictures of the cutest baby in the world.  It had to be a sight, I'm sure.  The shoot was a success!  Which is why it's taken me a month to go through them all and come up with a few of my favorites.  So many to choose from!  I can hardly believe she is one.  And even in one month, I see so much change from when we took these pictures.  It's amazing how much they change each day.   I hope you enjoy!

Emery's Dream land...

I have started a collection of some of Emery's funniest, and simply sweetest, sleeping poses.  These were all positions she would stay in for a good portion of her nap.  

She's so stinkin cute!  Enjoy!

 Too tired to care... (love the one-sock style)

 Cuddling myself...

 Just chillin....

 Froggie up!

 Scrunchy nose and cuddle bug!

Can't get enough pinkie! (that's her bear)

And then there's the "I'm too tired to even lay down"
(she literally was out!)

These boots are made for walkin!!!!

There is just so much to write about since I don't post very often.  And yet... I can't think of anything once I sit down.  Figures.  Emery just keeps changing every day.  The most exciting thing is that she is starting to walk more and more.  She took her first official steps at the end of December.  But only in the last week or so, has she began taking more at a time and more often.  Well, Sean told me last night that Emery was walking all over the place yesterday while I was at work!!!  I squealed with joy!  I wanted to go wake her up and have her walk for me!!!  I know everyone says that I will regret wanting her to walk, but maybe I won't.... I just can't wait to see my precious little baby become a little girl.... where she will RUN into my arms!!!  Oh the joy I felt as I pictured her waddling around!!!  As she is becoming more of a little person versus a little baby that just lays there, this reality becomes more and more real... and surreal!  There are moments that I still can't believe that she is here and she is ours!  Amazing!  Today I tried getting her on video but only got one little snippet.  I know there will be more!

Ok.... I can't stand it anymore!  I was thinking this morning how there are things I want to share (to keep people in the loop but also to journal our journey) here in this blog.  But I keep thinking this is Emery's blog.  But I realized it's not really.  It started out as my journey in my life.  She has been the biggest surprise and blessing and adventure thus far, to say the least!  But she is truly only the beginning of what God is doing in us and through us.  So starting now, this blog will once again morph.  Of course I will continue to write and post pics of Emery because, I mean, come one, how could I not?!!  But Sean and I are definitely starting a potential new adventure, but this time there are 3 of us!!   Are you ready???  Here we go!

In a nutshell...

Some of you know by now, that we have been talking about moving.  This is not something that came about when we went to Texas.  It has truly been a 5 year journey (and could still be longer) since God first began to speak to us and move us in a direction that was unfamiliar to us.  But we were, and are still, willing!  It's funny, when God first stirs your heart, sometimes you get a picture in your head of what it means.  And then a month, year, 5 years later you realize you have no idea what that picture looks like.  You just continue seeking His will and being obedient to follow His voice.  It would take an entire other blog to share all the ups and downs and twists and turns the Lord has led us on. (I'll spare you the details)  From feeling called into ministry to orphanages to grieving our moms to moving family in with us (twice!) to getting ready to move to getting pregnant and having a baby (the biggest shock!) to now the plan to move again.  Sean and I are in a new place together, making decisions, as best we can, for our family according to the will of God.  I'm pretty sure we will know God's heart as we are seeking and listening.  We have not taken this lightly.  And it is a very bittersweet thing for me.  It is something we have dreamed of doing for way more than 5 years.  And honestly, I cannot wait to begin this journey with my husband of 18 years and my precious daughter.  I am excited for all that God has for us, even if He leads us to stay in Fresno.  (no, we are not dead set against that.  We truly are seeking God's plan and will for our family)  So with all that said....  Sean has interviewed with REI for a promotion in Brentwood, TN and we should know by next week.  Its kind of crazy because we have been doing all the research and planning as if he has the job, because if he gets it, things will move very quickly (like a few weeks).  So we have to have some kind of plan.  He also applied to Olympia, WA but has not had an interview yet.  I am super excited about Tennessee!!  I have always wanted to go there!  Even though they are having tornadoes as we speak!  Which REALLY freaks me out!!!!  Oh dear, Jesus, help me!!!  Please, will you be praying with us, as we continue down this path.  So many things need to fall into place.  We need to sell or rent our house, packing, housing in TN, budgeting for our new income, etc.  Thank you so much!!!  We are excited to see what God has in store!