You can't keep a good woman down!!

Well Sean went back to work this past week. So it's been fun as I settle into a routine. I had a realization early Monday morning after one of my meltdowns. I took this time to share it with Sean. Actually we both shared some deep feelings.... it was good. But I told him that I was looking forward to him going back to work. He has been so amazing during all my ups and downs during the past 2 weeks. He has jumped right in, taking care of Emery when I couldn't and doing what needed to be done. I will be forever grateful to him. He is an amazing father and husband. However, I have also let him take over causing me to lose confidence in my own ability to care for her. I was shutting down and now feared taking care of her without him here. Once I realized this, I realized that I needed him to leave me with her, to have to figure it out myself and take care of this little girl. I told him I was "excited" for him to return to work for this reason. He totally understood. So Monday he went off to work and I got to work... on being the mommy that God created me to be. The week has gone off without a hitch! Sean was then home most of the day on Tuesday and Wednesday, but then back to work for 3 days and went snowshoeing on the 4th day. I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit lonely now. So tomorrow we are hanging out as a family! Praise God, my emotional fog of depression has lifted!! We're on the uphill now!!!

Em and I have our routine down. Bottle feeding has really freed me up to get things done, get out of the house and feel human. I am still grieving not breastfeeding. I think about it every day. But I am enjoying the freedom to get out and about and the freedom to simply enjoy my daughter. Its a black and white difference from only a week ago. And today.... I finally got to church!!! I tried the last two Sundays but never made it. We made it today and she, luckily, slept through the whole service! She loved the worship time!!! But started her squeaks half way through the message. I sat on the outside end for a quick escape if I needed to. My friend, Katie, went with me for support. Her husband couldn't go either so we accompanied each other. Thank goodness! :)

As for the title of this blog.... I thought that as I settled into motherhood and being a stay at home mom (even if only temporarily), I would become more of a home body. But honestly, I just am not a home body. I wish I was. But I love to be out. I love to feel a part of this world. I am only good for a day or two at home before I start losing my mind. So far being a mommy has not held me down. It may have slowed me down, but I have been able to still get out for errands or the occasional coffee/lunch date. Emery is a great companion... since she sleeps the whole time we're out. And for all of you that are worried about RSV season... so am I! I keep her completely covered and away from crowds and strangers. I gel in and out of stores and do what I can to protect her. But I just can't stay home. They might as well take me away in a white jacket! You just can't keep a good woman down!! Nope! ;-)