As the One Year mark approaches, I am amazed at all that has taken place over this past year. Even more, all that has taken place over the last 19 months from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Our lives were immediately changed and has not been the same since. I have been in awe of all that God has done in my life... the healing, restoration, the refining and growing. I've been told in the past that nothing changes you more, nor brings you to your knees more, than being a mom. I understand this now. The laying down of all your control as you realize your body is not your own while pregnant, to realizing your life is not your own after she's born, to the humbling feeling of realizing you don't know what you're doing as well as submitting your pride in order for the Lord, and those closest to you, to teach you. And along with that, the freedom to be who you are and return to your childish side as you laugh and make goofy faces with your baby in the middle of the supermarket. I have been broken only to be built back up stronger, and more confident, more than once during this past year and a half. I can only imagine what the Lord will bring over the next 20 years and beyond. Becoming a parent is definitely hard at times, but then it comes with great blessing. In the early days, I couldn't handle getting up one more time in the middle of the night, only to melt once again at the first look at her in the morning light. Then there's teething and colds. There was a huge adjustment that I wasn't expecting when she began to crawl. But I conquered even that and now I'm ready for her to start walking (which isn't too far away! She took her first two steps, more than a few times, on Jan 2nd!). I can hardly believe that her first birthday is upon us. I lay awake at night thinking about that special day.
I have begun to miss my mom for the first time in 5 years. In a way, its like she's never been gone. But now, I need to ask her questions... about myself, her parenting, her advice. And I can't. I need my mom more than ever. And it is a deep anquishing pain that can't be explained. At times it feels like I'm under water and can't get a breath. But God is constantly faithful and this feeling is never more than I can handle. I want to understand why but I know I never will. And while I miss our moms tremendously, I am simply so grateful for all that they have instilled in us all our lives. I'm grateful to them for the man and woman of God that we have become. And I can only hope and pray that we will be that for Emery.
I celebrate this one year mark on so many levels... the obvious, for our miracle, Miss Emery Rose, God's triumph over the infertility, the touch God has had on those around us through our testimony, the deep growth in our marriage and the continued support and encouragement from our family and friends. I look forward to this next year with great anticipation. I believe God has so much more in store for us. We are currently taking steps, as we feel led, and just trying to be obedient even when we don't know the outcome or understand. But we trust that God has a plan and knows all the details. We only must listen and follow.
Here's to an amazing year! The best year yet! And to many many more!!!!
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